this morning
a question
do I foray into the world
or
do I stay home
risk exposure
or
feel secure
test my capabilities
or
count my blessings
it is sunrise
and
the darkness of the night is slow to give way to the dawn
where are the answers
I need the light to teach
and touch
and warm
my fear
doubt
confusion
the question becomes
how can I feel most alive
searching
I begin to see the hazy outlines
fear drags me into the past
or propels me into the future
while in the present moment
I am offered many treasures
there
here
I connect to people
their present
feelings
thoughts
hopes
dreams
needs
wants
desires
and they to me
and mine
gifts are given
intimacies shared
frightened
I wish to escape
no
no
I do not have permission to leave the table
and I am still hungry
the feast is ever present
for those willing to sit at the table and partake
is this not what we most crave
what do we serve at our table
when people come to us for care
do we invite them to sit
and do we sit with them
do we hold hands as we begin
or do we start with the forks and knives
and needles and pokes immediately
do we offer them nourishment
or simply food
at the end of the meal do we feel satisfied
and fulfilled and grateful
or just no longer hungry
do we all feel healed
I want my days to be filled with feasts
for my patients
for my colleagues
for my self
it is no longer dark outside
or inside
let us all sit
let us all walk
let us all care
let us all feast
Jay Kaplan
